As I sit here, waiting for the hours to pass by before the first day back in classes, I read the past entries here and there. Remembering the bittersweet times of old in Germany, trying very hard to recall the feelings, memories, stimulating scents, and overall European chic that nourished my exchange year.
Since being back home, I have finished a semester of college and am now entering my second. I have had ups and downs in the last six months of being back in Canada. Basking in the joys of volunteering at the kids program at the church, singing with the Christmas Choir, learning such interesting things in Geography, and attempting to master Spanish! Among other things, difficulties adjusting to family routines, struggling with social issues (even though it SHOULD be easier - we are speaking the same language - but funny how communication is so key and yet so delicate, even when mastering your native language.), and just being exhausted, trying to find direction in life. God has been ever so faithful in everything - and I have given Him, I am sure, a fair share of gray hairs (if God would have gray hairs) from all the temper-tantrums and melt downs within the last couple months. Nevertheless, I am determined to take all these precious things I have learned in the last year and use them to the best of my ability. I often try to recall the lessons that I have learned - they have become more fainter than ever, the memories of even ever being in Germany. It's quite surreal, the memories seeming vastly like dreams and not like memories at all, but a movie, seen through my eyes. Often I forget my year, I forget the lessons I learned, the person I have become. I very much feel as if I have taken steps backwards. Depressing as that sounds, I know in my heart that that is not true. Life indeed goes on - and so shall I. Reading the blog just now - rekindles my heart and motivation to keep searching for that purpose which I was made for and to put to use those lessons that I indeed did learn.
My German is getting worse and worse every day, I believe, and my memories ever fainter. However, in the midst of my German self slipping away, I have been encouraged by the few, but steadfast friends who send me postcards, emails, and facebook messages. They truly bring such a smile upon my face and I am ever so grateful for them!
Thank you to all whom love me so dearly - you have been such a blessing and an encouragement to my life. Praise God for His unending love!
I am determined upon entering this new semester and year, to reclaim the valuable courage and determination, the confidence and life-experience which gave me such strength this past year. Sometimes I forget all too often, that the exchange year does not end with the coming home - a large part of the exchange IS the coming home and being home too. SO! Let this new year bring on the challenges and difficulties, the rocks to break and the mountains to climb. May I march forth with valor and humble conviction. For, as my dear friend William Wallace proclaims; "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." And really live shall I live indeed! For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil 4.13).
SO! Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me in this unending journey of challenges and faith (especially to Jade whom I am eternally grateful for and blessed by) and thank you to God for giving me His unconditional love (though I mess up again and again).
k
p.s. And thank you to Mel Gibson, for making really great and epic movies!
